The Riff

This is a riff about mourning the book you hoped to write vs. the book you’re ultimately turning in (one hopes … which is why I haven’t spent any advance money should the publisher want that $hit back.).

At some point — and I’m at that point — you set aside you’re delusions of more (more sources, more interviews, more articles, more books) and surrender to enough (there’s a life lesson there, but let’s set that aside for another newsletter).

By the time you read this (and casually unsubscribe), I will be in the 80,000s. Now, there was a time at the start of this godforsaken-journey-I-would’ve-killed-for-ten-years-ago where I worried — WORRIED! — that I wouldn’t reach the contractually obligated low end of 85,000 words. I worried — FRETTED! — that I wouldn’t find any new material that would form the bulk of this book.

Some re-treading was/is always going to happen. In fact, people expect it … with a twist, of course. I know when I was reading Jeff Pearlman’s Bo Jackson biography, I was waiting for the moment Jackson hurt his hip. I remember it happening, knew it was coming, but wanted to see the curveball, and the off-speed delivery of new details and new context around something we all knew … or thought we knew. Same with Loren Grush’s The Six. You knew the Challenger explosion was coming, so how would she handle that? That’s what time and distance affords.

Now I worry — PANIC! — that I won’t have enough time to finish and write through my timeline. I’m on pace for something like 120,000 words. I haven’t even hit the Olympic year (1972) yet. (This goes on the assumption you know what my topic is, which some of you do, and some of you don’t. Shake it off.)

I still feel there are calls to be made. Articles to find. Books to highlight. But eventually you reach a point where you just have to say — all together now — “Enough.”

I think I didn’t waste time. I think I tried as hard as I could. You never quite know. Have I given less than my best? Have I sacrificed the gift (IYKYK)?

This is the mourning period while the thing is still alive. I mourn that not every rock will be turned over. I mourn that there are likely places I never knew existed. Yes, my runway was very short for to write and report a juicy biography (14 months). The experienced biographer out there is probably like, “Stop bitching. That’s enough time if you stop complaining about how little time you have.”

Growing up, I had this recurring dream that I was playing basketball (I never played basketball. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t even enjoy watching it. I appreciate it, but, meh.). The stands were packed. We were down one point. The clock was ticking down, under ten seconds. A teammate stole the ball and fed it to me on a fast break. Nobody was around me. I had six or seven seconds to make a wide open lay up to win the game.

I missed the first attempt. Still time.

I missed the second attempt. Still … time.

My last shot hit the bottom of the rim, not even the goddam backboard, and we lost. And I woke up. Usually breathing hard and having felt so deeply the disappointment of every person in that dream.

All I have to say — with the weight of the biggest deadline of my life sitting on my chest — is thank goodness it’s a Leap Year.

As you know, this rager starts here and goes up to 11!

The Books

1. There’s Always This Year: On Basketball and Ascension by Hanif Abdurraqib (Pod TK). Damn, what a great book. The mark of a great essayist is you want to spend time with them and you’re sad when the book ends.

2. Up Home: One Girl’s Journey by Ruth J. Simmons (Pod hopefully TK)

3. Gator Country: Deception, Danger, and Alligators in the Everglades by Rebecca Renner (Pod TK)

4. Writing Tools: 50 Essential Strategies for Every Writer by Roy Peter Clark. This time a year is a good time to break out this book and take the year to put it into practice. One tool a week with a two-week vacation. The new edition actually has 55 tools. You never use your vacation days, anyway.

The Other Stuff

5. Cal Newport riffs on dismantling the technopoly.

6. Patron saint of CNF Pod, Glenn Stout, on his timeless blog post 15 Ways to Survive as a Freelancer. My favorite point? “Social media may make you more popular but it won’t make you a better writer — you only have so many words — don’t waste them and don’t let social media suck time and energy better spent writing.” This blog post was from 2013.

7. My pal, Damon Brown, shows you how to start video podcast in 2024. Sidebar: Should there be video components to the CNF Pod Cinematic Universe? If you think so, let me know. I’ll ask the Patreon Gang, too. I have my thoughts, but the show isn’t about me anymore.

8. Bro, your Substack isn’t for everyone.

9. Frank Bruni compiled a list of the year’s best sentences.

10. Quite a great conversation between Jeff Pearlman and super agent David Black. Some real tasty nuggets about what agents are looking for as they shop a proposal to an editor at a publishing house.

11. Saw “Barbie.” Loved it. How Greta Gerwig Overcomes that Negative Voice We All Hear While Writing. “Writing is the thing I most enjoy having done but feels painful when I’m doing it. Writing is painful to me in a deep way. You’re by yourself and it’s quiet. Every voice you’ve ever had in your head that says ‘you’re not very good’ is loud.”

ICYMI: The Last Month of CNF Pod

Episode 393: Katya Cengel and Finding Enough ‘There’ There for The Atavist

Episode 394: Athena Dixon is OK with the Plateau

Episode 395: “The Six,” Mini-Deadlines, and the Twang with Loren Grush

Now in Paperback: Jackie MacMullan on the Fear of Failure, Writing that Teachers You, and the Final Chapter of ‘Best American Sports Writing

Episode 396: Rae Nudson on Earning Trust, The Atavist, and the Pint-of-Ice-Cream Moment

Support the podcast

If you have a few bucks to spare, Patreon is where it’s at. I’ve started a series of “threads” that start with a little video by me then prompting you to talk amongst yourselves. Any tier! Patreon.com/cnfpod

Free ways to support the show? Kind reviews on Apple Podcasts help validate the show for the wayward CNFer.

In fact, I’ve reinstated the written review for coaching deal. Write a review, take a screenshot when it publishes, and then send me a sample of your work of up to (but not more, please) 2,000 words. This is about $100 value. I go all in, man, all in. Can be a pitch, or part of an essay or book. If you need a little peek into the BO experience, this is a great chance. All it takes is a moment of your time.

And, as always, linking up to the show and sharing it with your writer pals is the best way to keep it alive, relevant, and gives it the best shot at growing a bit.

Thanks for reading, CNFers.

Stay wild,

b.r.o.